Norwegian Odyssey Day 6, Tuesday 31 December: Ski hire, remembering how to ski, and new years' party

So today was the day to actually do stuff! Thankfully, it had snowed overnight, and the world was looking much more wintry.

We got up - lateish again, as it only got light about 9.30 - had breakfast, and got ready to go out. Alex and Meelis went out early for a big ski adventure. We only left the cabin after midday. Ali went off for a long walk.

We walked into Savalen (which I hadn't seen yet), and met up with Andy, Ginny and Anna to hire skis. The hut was at the bottom of a nice-looking (but small) downhill slope with t-bar lifts, and the village itself was a non-descript collection of accommodation buildings and houses. There was some confusion about whether we were with 'the group' or not, but turned out we were, and therefore we'd had skis/boots set aside for us. Phew.

We were fitted with boots in a flurry of activity in the tiny hut, and went out to the loype next to the road, and faced out of the village. I got my boots in my skis and promptly fell on my backside. I'd totally forgotten how to ski. I also didn't know it at the time, but I didn't have the 'scaly' skis I'd had in Austria. I had the carpet ones.

It didn't take long to remember how to stay upright, and we were soon shuffling along in the tracks towards the 'riverside cabin'. Andy et al invited us in for lunch, and we met David, Rebecca, and Nikolaj and said hi to Jen and Charlie. Christian made sure to have some pickled herring.

Christian and I headed out again, with the intention of doing a bit of a loop around the small lake, but the map wasn't very clear, and the direction we planned to go hadn't been pisted. So we pretty much went back the way we'd come.

At this point, we met Alex, and made our way back together to the cabin, taking some photos on the way back to direct the intrepid party-goers, to get ready for the new year's party.

Christian and I had agreed to do the cooking, and because we had already departed from Andy's detailed meal plan, we decided to make a big lasagne with what we had in the fridge.

The party-goers made us panic somewhat by saying they were arriving at 6, so we put Alex's bubbly outside in the cold, and set to work. Andy and Jen decided to stay in the other cabin for some quiet time.

We had no oven trays to create a lasagne, and so we decided on a big ratatouille with rice instead. When we went to put the bread in the oven to bake, it turned out not to work anyway. So we put the bread on the fire. It baked surprisingly well.

We really weren't ready when everyone arrived. It didn't matter too much, as drinks happened in between.

The table was set and the food was served - it was quite yummy. David insisted on going around the table to give gratitude, which was surprisingly therapeutic. After we'd eaten, we set to the games. Rebecca's crazy game with the blue bath, red blanket and white ghost etc won the evening. It taxed everyone's brain and led to some excellent competitive spirit. (I didn't play because it was hard.)

More games and drinking took place, and we just made it to midnight. A plan had been hatched, which turned out to be what I think is a Scottish tradition, called 'first-footing' where we had to run out one door of the house and back in another, led by a dark-haired man, and throwing salt around. It was actually quite fun in the snow - very silly.

The other cabin departed soon after, and we (with a bonus Rebecca) wound down and went to bed.

Norwegian Odyssey Day 5, Monday 30 December: Savalen - fire and ice

We woke in a leisurely fashion, not having anywhere to be, and lit a fire and had breakfast.

Christian had to pick up Andy, Jen and Charlie from the station, and so we got ready to go out. Meelis, Ali, Alex and I were going to walk into the village to try and find out about ski hire and about buses to get to Tynset.

A few steps out onto the road told us that the ice was pretty much impossible to walk on. We tried to set off all the same, and Christian followed very flowly behind in the car. Alex spotted that he'd stopped. He'd slid off into the ditch.

We made our way gingerly back up the hill, and helped him get the odd rubber chains onto the wheels. Our lovely neighbours went past, noting that the conditions were pretty terrible, and that the woman's father had recently ended up in the ditch on the opposite side of the road. She gave us the number for roadside recovery. At this point, Meelis had the presence of mind to ring the ski hire place and find out if they were open. They weren't. It was all a bit chaotic, so I went back to the cabin to get the shovel in an attempt to break up the ice.

When I got back, I discovered that the chains hadn't really helped, and the car was more stuck than before. Credit to Christian, he knew he was beaten, and sought help by calling the roadside assistance number. It would cost us, so he then checked our travel insurance to see if we could claim the recovery. Turns out we couldn't.

Ali and Alex decided to continue into the village, but I opted to stay and help Christian. To add insult to injury, the gritter came up the hill at this point, but couldn't get past the Tesla. Christian let Jen and Andy know that he might be a bit late picking them up.

After a number of phone calls, the recovery people were coming, at horrendous cost, and he went to wait for them. I went back to the house, sticking my head out the front window to check on progress every now and then. I had a wrap for lunch, and made one for Christian.

The recovery man came, and had brought the wrong vehicle, because he hadn't bothered to listen to Christian's directions. He went back to get the other vehicle, at even more cost. In the end, in consultation with the recovery guy, the gritter pulled the car out backwards with his tractor, after having got him to drive further into the ditch in order to get past him. Christian asked me to give the gritter a bottle of wine for his troubles. He was a sweetie.

So, at this point, Christian could actually go to Tynset on the gritted road to collect Jen and Andy. They stayed in town to get the additional shopping, which took quite some time.

Ali and Alex got back, having had a nice lunch in the hotel. Someone pointed out as it got dark that there were amazing things happening in the sky. We all went to take photos.

Meelis went back to bed, Ali went upstairs, and Alex fell asleep on the sofa. Christian arrived back with the shopping, and so I walked down the now passable road to meet him at the gate (for which we realised there was a pass card) to help carry it up.

When we got back, there was still no one in evidence to help bring it in and unpack it. Alex appeared, and offered to cook an eggs and spinach dinner in recompense.

Christian relaxed for the first time that day, and we sat on the sofa until bed time.

So it turned out I hadn't actually achieved much that day, but it was certainly action-packed.

Norwegian Odyssey Day 4, Sunday 29 December: Oslo to Savalen

The next morning, we got up around 7.45, and had a lavish breakfast downstairs. They had everything imaginable, but I focused on the porridge and the boiled eggs. A good breakfast, and proper tea in a pot. :-)

We packed up and went downstairs, checked out, and the fully-charged car was waiting for us outside. The roads were thankfully quiet on a Sunday, and we had an easy journey out of the city. We stopped at a service station on the way to the airport to rearrange the car slightly.

Meelis had landed earlier than expected, and was waiting for us when we arrived. We parked in the short-stay car park of the small but shiny airport, and I got out to find him and meet him at arrivals. He had hardly any luggage, and so he fitted in the very full car quite well (apart from his great height). We set off for Savalen.

The clear, major road soon changed to snowy, minor road, and we spotted our first cross-country skiier on a path beside the road. We had our first charging stop at Elverum at 11am. We skated on the icy snow to the shop, and Christian and I got snacks while Meelis got something more substantial to eat.

Another two and a quarter hours, on straight, unchanging roads (with the odd set of moose horns in the trees to keep us amused), and we had our second charging stop at Alvdal. This was little more than a takeaway shop, and as it was about 1.30, we had burgers and fries for lunch.

It was only another 40 or so minutes to Savalen. We turned off the cleared road, and headed vaguely uphill on snowy but safe roads. It was starting to get dark at this point. The village of Savalen was unremarkable, and we headed through it to find our cabin. But we were stopped by a barrier - we had no choice but to pay (around £7) to go through into the national park. We managed to find the cabin, though, and it had room to park.

We found the key safe, got inside, and started warming it up as best we could. We put a heater upstairs, but this tripped the fuse, so we brought it back down and lit a fire. I did my best to pack away all the food, but didn't make any assumptions about rooms until Ali arrived.

Christian drove to Tynset to collect both Ali (6pm) and Alex (8pm) in two trips, and we settled in for the evening, making pesto pasta for dinner. Ali had decided on the upstairs bedroom, so we took the double room off the kitchen, and I unpacked all our things and made the bed. Alex took the sofa upstairs rather than share with Meelis in the bunkroom next to the bathroom. We weren't sure whether all the others would fit in the other cabin, so these were only temporary arrangements as far as we were concerned.

We turned in for the night after big days, all of us.

Norwegian Odyssey Day 3, Saturday 28 December: Hirtshals to Langesund to Oslo

The alarm woke us at 6.30, and we packed up swiftly. Christian went to get the car while I finished up, and we drove through the dark, deserted streets to the port.

The gates opened just as we arrived, and we were directed to the front of a queue to wait for the ferry. We amused ourselves watching Netflix as we waited for the ferry to arrive, and then when it did, to disgorge so many trucks from multiple levels that it didn't seem possible they'd fit (though the ferry was huge).

When it was time to load, all the trucks behind us went on first, driving in on the right side, and then round the back to face outwards on the left side. It was our turn before long, and we did the same big sweep around the bow end of the ferry, and parked up facing outwards.

We joined the long procession of people trooping up the stairs, and emerged onto a deck of shops, restaurants and cafes. We headed to the bow end and found a nice bar, but we'd booked breakfast, so we went looking for that, which was in the stern. We were shown to a table out on the deck, but which was enclosed and cosy.

Being in the stern meant that we could watch all the other vehicles coming onto the ferry, and they just kept coming, for probably another half hour. By now, the sunrise was pretty spectacular, and we ate our rather nice breakfast as the ferry left Denmark, for Norway. The only disappointment was the tea, but this wasn't a surprise.

Having eaten all the breakfast we could, and properly woken up, we went to explore the ferry. The shops were not terribly inspiring, and most of the restaurants were not open. The deck was spacious, but cold and breezy. We found ourselves back in the bar we'd visited in the bow, and found stools near the bar, looking out the windows towards our destination.

It was full of families and children, and we only realised why when the bingo was announced, and the prizes were brought out to a large table. Apparently bingo is a family thing in this part of the world - a lot of people enthusiastically took part, and the presenter was good-natured and fun. We tired of the bingo after a while, and went back to the stern, which was much quieter. We stayed there until the ferry approached its dock, and we took our places in a queue to go below decks.

Once moving, we got into the car quickly, and the process of unloaded was quick too. The first thing that we noticed was that it was snowing gently. This is what we came for! We followed a large truck up the snowy exit towards the road, giving it plenty of space, and were soon going past picturesque houses, and then over a number of bridges onto a major road, with a lot of tunnels through mountains.

From there, it was a short and unmemorable drive into Oslo - we arrived around 5pm, after it was dark. We pulled up in the turning circle in front of the Radisson, and Christian went in to check in and sort out the valet parking. While he was gone, I learnt not to put my Tesla key next to my phone. I was reaching for the overhead light, after the console had gone black, when a strange pulsing pink light appeared, and suddenly I was deafened by the loudest music inside a car I'd ever heard.

My first thought was that it was some jokey feature, but try as I might, I couldn't make it stop, and I was worried about what people would think. Christian came back to unlock the car, found me shaken, and told me that it had just been the alarm. Really? The alarm was loud music? Anyway, I now know how to turn it off, and definitely won't make that mistake again.

We took our luggage in to the rather grand foyer/reception area, and got the key to our room. The woman we spoke to was very friendly, and spoke excellent English. We took the lift up, and settled in to our large, upgraded room, and I sat for a bit trying to calm down.

We got dressed for the cold, and set off for a wander around the city. I had the idea of going up onto the roof of the opera house, and it wasn't far from the hotel, though we weren't sure what to do for dinner. The streets were snowy, but there was nothing coming from the sky, so it was a bit slippery underfoot in places.

We went through the station/shopping centre complex, and came out near the harbour. A short walk to the road nearest revealed the opera house very close by. To get onto the roof, we needed to negotiate a slippery slope, but it wasn't too bad, and the view across the city was worth it. The water of the harbour was frozen close to the shore, and the sky felt very dark and close.

Coming back down some icy steps was harder, but at least there was a handrail here. We briefly went inside the building, and it was modern and interesting. It looked like there was a show on that evening, so we didn't stay.

We wandered in the direction of the exciting looking lights, and found ourselves on a long avenue with a palace at the end of it. There were shiny lights to the left of it, and we followed them to a Christmas market. It was very nice, and we had a short wander past the stalls and skating rink to a fun avenue of lights, but we were hungry, and decided to head back to the hotel for a meal there.

After seeing a few sights on the way back, and Christian getting us slightly lost, we got changed again at the hotel and went up to the 33rd floor to the restaurant. It was super posh, and we were very lucky to get a table without a reservation. Our table was not beside the window, but that didn't matter, because the view was still amazing, and the decor very pleasing. Our server was also lovely, and fun, and Swedish. We chatted to her quite a bit.

We had a three course meanu for 645 NOK each, and ordered a bottle of chablis. They gave us an amazing foamy appetizer, and I think I had scallops as a starter (accompanied by three types of celery, which I ate and mostly enjoyed) and cod loin as a main. I think Christian had trout as his main, and an exciting cheese platter of Danish, Norwegian and Swedish cheeses for dessert. I had chocolate sorbet (I think), which I couldn't finish.

We admired the view one more time, and went back to our room. Bed shortly after.

Norwegian Odyssey Day 2, Friday 27 December: Bremen to Hirtshals

We hadn't booked breakfast and were due to meet Tomoyo at about 8.15, so we were packed and waiting in good time. She'd chosen the Kaffeehaus of Hotel Classico on the market square, so having met up at the hotel, she took us on a short tour of the beautiful city and explained the Grimm's fairy tale of the four (animal) town musicians - a donkey, dog, cat and chicken who set out for a new life in Bremen.

Breakfast was OK (much too much pepper on my omelette), but the location and the company more than made up for it. It was great to catch up with Tomoyo, and we decided to try and see one of her theatre productions in Bremerhaven another time.

We set off in the car about 10.30, and headed for the Rewe supermarket half an hour away in Ottersberg. It took some time, but we finally found almost all the items we needed to buy. And it only cost about €150. Fitting them in the front of the car took some doing.

Then back on the road. We went past Hamburg, seeing all the cranes and containers of the port, and then just kept going north. Our next charge was at Busdorf, which was an ordinary services. I was feeling really rough and crampy at this point, so I stayed in the car, but Christian had a wander (and a Burger King, I think). I think I must have just eaten something out of the car rations.

We crossed the Danish border, which was an annoying traffic bottleneck, shortly after that, and then drove for some time in Danish countryside that somehow immediately felt different to Germany. The skies cleared for the first time in days, and we were treated to a nice sunset.

We had another charging stop in Hedensted about 4.30, but it was almost completely dark by then so it felt much later. This place was in the middle of nowhere, with a 'Sunset Boulevard' restaurant attached. It was very odd. We made no attempt to speak the local language from this point on, sadly. I just had a milkshake at this point because I was still feeling bad.

And then on through the dark Danish roads to our final charging stop, at Nørager at 6pm. This one was on a hill next to a construction site.

Hirtshals was only another hour's drive, and as we entered the town, it all felt very dark and empty. We found the motel (Motel Nordsøen) at the end of a dark street, and parked in the frosty car park, almost empty too. There was no reception open at 7.30, but our key had been left for us.

We carried all the shopping in, to stop the perishables from freezing, and I sorted it properly into refrigerated, vulnerable to freezing (fruit/veg), and dry stuff. Christian took out the refrigerated stuff to the car, and drove to a nearby destination charger in a (closed) hotel. He brought back dinner with him, bought at a service station, which was a tasty warm pizza, a sandwich, and Danish traestammers! Win. We ate the pizzas and the traestammers, but saved the sandwiches for the next day.

The room itself was very basic, and somehow not very welcoming. It was warm by now, though, so I had a shower and we went to bed, really for an early one the next morning.

Norwegian Odyssey Day 1, Thursday 26 December: Folkestone to Bremen

We'd decided to leave straight from Horsham after Christmas and so stayed in a hotel in Folkestone on the night of the 25th.

On boxing day morning, we were up at 7, had breakfast, and after picking up the poor abandoned toucan-on-a-stick on the ground in the car park, were on the road by 7.40. It took all of ten minutes to get to the Eurotunnel terminal (yes, we'll definitely be doing that again), and because it was fairly empty, we checked in quickly, and stopped to charge, get some shopping, and Christian had second breakfast.

We had a short wait to get on the train, and followed a Model 3 into our high carriage. We watched some Netflix on the journey (because we could), and then we were in France. But heading north for a change.

After a very brief stop at services for a coffee and comfort stop, we had our first charge at Lokeren (Belgium). We had lunch in 'Frituur 't Frietje' - I had a fish burger, and Christian had mozzarella sticks and the biggest mountain of fries either of us had ever seen. The smily Flemish-speaking staff may or may not have misunderstood how many fries he wanted. Never mind. They were very good, but we couldn't finish them. After that we went to the Lidl across the road for a few things (but failed to find marmite, which was on our shopping list for Andy).

Back on the road, we attempted to take a detour through the centre of Antwerp, but Christian took a wrong turn, so we decided to abort before we got into the city proper. I still got a flavour of it, and would like to go back.

Our next charge was at the 'Toucan' Van der Valk hotel in Moers (Germany) around 4pm. Why were the toucans following us?! It was a very posh-looking hotel, containing a lot of people over 65 (we think it was a party). Outside the toilets was the devastation following what looked like a wedding - lots of white tablecloths, fairy lights and evidence of a chocolate fountain.

After another two hours driving, we reached our final charging point at Lohne. It was the only time we saw the superchargers ICEd on the whole trip. It was an odd sort of services with a Burger King and an Asian buffet. We went for the Asian buffet for dinner. It was OK - the staff were very sweet. We had a slight wobble about being able to drive in the Bremen congestion zone, but Jen sorted it out for us - all we'd need was a written hotel confirmation.

And then it was only another hour to Bremen, which we reached at 8.30pm. The hotel had its own Tesla destination charger, which was brilliant. Christian checked in and got the letter for the car, and we went in. The room was very colourful and modern, and mostly functional. We finalised the shopping list for the next day, and went to bed.

St Lucia, Day 7: Around the pool and bye-bye

We were awake at 7.30 and headed down to breakfast at 8.15. We booked a temporary room to get changed and shower between check-out and our pick up.

I decided I should do something active and so went down for Jaffrey's pilates class in 'Lulu's Cabana' at 9.30. He was a surprisingly good instructor, and I enjoyed the class quite a lot.

Back to the room for a final pack up, fill in the comments card, and we were ready to check out before 11, leaving our bags outside the room, but putting a few things behind the desk as well. I mentioned to the receptionist that I had some feedback for Dean, and she rang him and made an appointment for me to speak to him at 11.30.

So we went briefly to the pool, and nabbed one of the big beds, which was tricky for Christian to get in the shade on, and then it was time for me to go back to up to meet Dean. He listened carefully to everything I said, about the noise, the poky, dark bathroom, and about not being told about orientation. There were planned renovations that would take care of most things, which is good news. As a gesture of goodwill, he decided to give us our room back for the rest of the day, which I wasn't expecting, but was grateful for.

I went back to the pool for a time, then Jaffrey came by with our room key. We decided it was close enough to lunch to leave the pool, so we collected the luggage we'd left at reception and went back to the room around 12pm, put the aircon back on, and went to our final lunch soon after.

Then there was nothing else to do but go back to the pool. I tried to take some photos of the hummingbirds - they weren't bad considering I only had a stock lens.

Time went quickly, though, and we soon had to go for a final shower and pack, and back to reception to wait for our transfer.

The pick up was scheduled for 4pm, but our driver was there early, at 3.50. We had a weird journey to the airport - the car had very dark tinted windows, which made it hard to see the road, and we came upon an accident that had just happened.

We arrived at the airport just after 5pm. There was no one there - we'd heard that the other flight due to leave that day had been cancelled due to illness. We dropped our bags at the counter, which was extremely straightforward, and went to the lounge. It was totally empty too.

The lounge had a full bar, but fairly limited food options - it was all we needed, though. It filled up as time went on.

I went back out into the terminal to look for presents for work folks, and settled on some outrageously expensive rum cake, then we ate and drank in lounge. The lounge was odd - there was a very rude French couple who insisted on watching loud videos on their phone and being horrible to the man behind the bar.

We went to the gate in plenty of time, though the flight was late boarding. I think I slept for a lot of the flight, though I forgot to pack my ear plugs in my hand luggage. I discovered that wrapping a blanket around my head was pretty good at blocking out noise and light. Christian had to wake me for a fairly unimpressive breakfast. And then we were at Gatwick.

The end.

St Lucia, Day 6: Vigie Beach

We set the alarm for 8am because we had nowhere to be. Yay! Breakfast.

We decided to walk into Castries again to see the market in full operation. It was very bustling, with everything from clothing to souvenirs to fruit and veg to street food. I had a quick look for clothes to buy (I hadn't really brought enough), but everything was quite expensive.

In the market, we were approached by a lot of friendly but insistent stall holders. I bought vanilla essence for Catherine, and looked for some sea glass for Heather. The stalls seemed to go on forever.

We walked around a little way to the supermarket for my compulsory research mission, and bought lemon, lime and bitters, plantain chips, and found vanilla essence much more cheaply. Oops. I got some more for Catherine. I forgot to buy presents for the folks at work.

We walked around a bit further, towards the cruise port, but only found more markets, and a dead end. Then we headed back to Bel Jou for lunch.

We'd booked the 1.45 van to Vigie Beach, and it turned up as planned to pick us and a few others up. There was a designated pick up time of 4.15 and we confirmed this with the nice driver.

He dropped us at the far end of the beach, behind the airport, and left us with a man who directed us to sun beds. There wasn't much space on the sand, and the sun was behind us, but we settled in, with Christian finding shade next to my sun. There were a few characters looking after sunbeds, one who called himself Jack Sparrow, who bantered with us.

It was also windy, not particularly warm, and there was a palm tree periodically blocking my sun. We went for a little swim, and while the water was nice enough, had weed in it. It certainly wasn't the best beach we've been to, though it was nice to experience it. I did some reading.

When it cooled down, we moved from the beach up to the bar behind - Christian got a beer and some plantain chips. The van came back to pick up on time at 4.15, and we headed back to the hotel for a shower and to get changed.

We had a wander around the grounds and took some photos, as it was our last night. Awww.

Tonight was the planned Caribbean barbecue dinner around the pool, so the buffet wasn't open as usual. We found a table in the corner of the pool area, and then it started to rain. We moved to a table under an umbrella and the staff scurried around trying to dry everything and move people to dry tables.

I got us some cocktails - the guy behind the bar decided to make me one to match my hair, which I accepted, though Christian was wiser. My cocktail was awful, as it was mostly blue curacao.

The food was an incredibly impressive spread - loads of meat on the barbecue, loads of salads and exciting accompaniments. We had some white wine. There was a steel drum band playing popular classics, which was quite nice. Dean joined in with them for a time. Dessert was especially impressive, and I had way too much - but they had an amazing coconut cream pie. Mmm.

Then the real entertainment started. A dance troup put on a show for us, which involved fire, while Jaffree put in annoying commentary over the top. They were quite good, and they periodically grabbed an unfortunate soul to dance with them. Then one of the men decided to get me up for audience participation. I had to hold a fire stick while the man blew it into the air. It was very hot, and a little scary. It was fine, though.

Once that was over, we headed to the room, and the disco started, which was much louder than had been reaching us from the rooftop bar. Oh well. To add insult to injury, the telly wouldn't work for us, either. Went to bed at 10pm.

St Lucia, Day 5: Boats, Bean to Bar and boiling mud

We set the alarm for 7am again. Carpe diem and all that. Breakfast.

Pick up was at 9am. A largish group were all going to the tourist port, which was right near the cruise ship terminal, though we all got on different catamarans for different tours run by the same company.

We found a seat on our crowded cat on the bow next to a couple from NY state, who were very chatty. Christian fixed their camera for them.

The journey was quite leisurely, and we tried to pick out the places we'd seen from the road, sometimes successfully. There was a certain amount of commentary, for instance, they pointed out the most exclusive resort on the island.

We got off the cat at Soufriere in regimented tour order, and our group was herded onto a van driven by Desmond - I was in the front. We went uphill to the south of the city in the same direction we'd gone to the botanic gardens, but this time to the Hotel Chocolat Rabot Estate.

It looked a bit tired, but was still very impressive. There were cacao trees on the approach, and we caught glimpses of bungalows on the hill behind. One day, when we have too much money, we'll stay there.

The group moved into the open-air restaurant, and found seats. The first thing we did was to order lunch off the set menu, and then we had time to visit the very posh toilets, look over the restaurant railings onto the infinity pool, and take photos of Petit Piton, which was *just there*. I noted that there was a chocolate martini on the cocktail menu. I resisted the temptation.

We all went to a different building, where a long table was set up with chocolate-making paraphernalia, and we met our instructor, Merle, who was amazing in every way. She shouted everything over the racket of chocolate making, and made sure she was mean to the smart-arses. It was hilarious.

She told us about harvesting the cocoa pods, and passed one around so that we could see what the cocoa beans looked like. They were an odd, white, slimy affair inside a big shell. We put one bean in our mouths and were warned not to bite into it. It was kind of sweet, but nothing like chocolate. She talked about the process of harvesting, drying, and making the butter and the nibs from that product.

Now to the making. The first thing we did was to grind the cocoa nibs, which was an incredibly physical exercise. But amazingly, the nibs ended up as a moist paste by the time we were finally finished. Then we added the cocoa butter, and stirred the mixture for another age. When it was finally glossy, we added however much sugar we wanted. No sugar resulted in a super high cocoa concentration, and the more sugar we added, the lower it got. I added quite a bit to mine, and probably ended up with something around 40%.

Once we were happy (mine was very thick at this point), we poured the chocolate into our fancy HC moulds, and the staff put greaseproof paper over them, marked them with our names, and took them away to set.

So all we had to do was go back to the restaurant for lunch. It came out very quickly - first there was cocoa bread with various dips (some more chocolatey than others), and then the main - I chose a very tasty beef burger - and then dessert, which was an outstanding chocolate mousse for me. Christian's dessert was a piton lookalike, with a meringue mountain. Christian also had a rum cocktail.

Sadly, we had to leave, and so we trekked back to the van, driving the back way on minor roads to. . .Sulphur Springs again - what? We skipped the tour, as we'd done it. Then back in the van to go a little way down the hill to have a mud bath, though Christian declined that very great pleasure.

We left our clothing on tables, and went in our swimwear to first soak in the warm water. It was almost too hot to begin with. Then, up onto the platform above, under the bridge, where we were given first a bucket of pale mud to cover ourselves with, and then a bucket of dark mud to decorate ourselves with. I decorated myself as best I could, and helped a few other folks get themselves covered. We stood while it dried in the sun, and watched a French tour group have rude messages daubed on them by their tour guide. Christian took some photos from above. Then, once baked, we went back into the warm pool to wash off the mud. I could feel already that my skin was feeling smooth as a result. Then back to dry off (we weren't allowed a shower because that would take away the healing power of the mud), and get dressed.

Then it was back into the van, and back to the port in Soufriere. This time, we had to get back onto a different cat, which was already mostly full, and find a lifejacket and a spot to sit. Once underway, we headed south around the point to a spot between the Pitons to snorkel. We had to wait ages to get fins, and I was chilly and unhappy to begin with, but the sun came out, and I relaxed, and I saw lots of amazing fish. Many were similar to what we saw in Thailand - sargeant majors, rainbow parrotfish, black on top/white underneath, brain coral, puffer, Christian saw pipe fish. Very nice.

Back onto the cat, and once we were underway and bound for Castries, Christian persuaded me to go onto the trampoline in the bow. It was actually quite fun, and not much water was coming over. They served food and drinks, and Christian brought me some. The rum cocktails were dangerous.

We spoke to a nice couple from San Diego who'd recently been married - the woman had coloured hair not unlike mine (we bonded over colour transfer difficulties), and she was in a tech job not unlike Christian's. They put some music on, which was quite fun.

There was a drop off in Marigot Bay, where it rained, and was just about dark. After Marigot Bay, it got a bit choppy, and the skipper sped up. And they turned the music up. Coming back to Castries harbour we were hit by rain and gale winds, which I found very unpleasant - I was freezing. We collected our chocolate and headed straight to the right bus, and straight to Bel Jou. Once there, I jumped into the shower to warm up (and cheer up). It didn't take long. It had been a great day.

We went for a buffet dinner, though we didn't need much after the food on the boat. Then we booked a beach shuttle for the next day. As usual, we watched telly and went to bed.

St Lucia, Day 4: Rainforest

We set the alarm for 7am again, and went down to another great breakfast.

Our pick up was scheduled for 9am, but Cheryl messaged to say that it had been changed to 8.25. After collecting us, the van made a pick up at James's Morgan Bay resort, which looked nice. We were joined by three other couples - an Indian couple from Boston, a British couple, and a Canadian couple from Manitoba.

The van turned up the hill just near James's, and into the rainforest. It was quite a long drive to get to our destination - we went through Babonneau, which was interesting as it was just ordinary locals living their lives. The road went up and down significantly before we got there.

At the adventure place, we picked up our tickets, signed our lives away on forms, got harnessed and helmeted up, and followed our guide to the practice line. We all passed the chicken test and had our photos taken.

Then we got the 'aerial tram' up the hill, our guide sharing lots of detail about the area and the forest itself. It was a slow journey as we kept stopping to let people on and off at either end.

At the top, we had a fair walk to the first zip line. It was very pleasant to get some exercise. The lines were lots of fun, though I found out that Christian was less than comfortable on the higher platforms and lines. When our guide dared us to zip with no hands, I managed it, though I grabbed on to steady myself straight away. The other folks were fun - we had plenty of time to chat.

The last line was very long and very fun. A great time was had by all. We walked back to the top of the tram, and took a leisurely trip back down - good view to the north of the island, and you could see the sea on both sides (just).

At the bottom, we surrendered our kit and went into the shop. We found some banana ketchup to buy (at inflated price), and got a free drink, but didn't buy the photo they took during the training because no staff wanted to help us.

The van took us back down to Castries, via James's, and back to Bel Jou in plenty of time for lunch. We chose an a la carte lunch around the pool with cocktails - it was sunny and rainy by turns.

We had a lazy afternoon, which may have involved the pool. Then showers, drinks, buffet dinner, telly, loud music, and bed.

St Lucia, Day 3: Road trip to Soufriere

We set the alarm earlier for 7am, given we had to be ready earlier, but I think we were awake before it went off again. Another lovely breakfast, with our now familiar scavenging friends, the Antillean bullfinches.

Back in the room, we collected our things and went to reception to wait. Our pick up was due at 9, though it was late arriving. We were finally collected by Stan, who had gone via the port to collect other guests who were off the same cruise ship.

We drove through Castries, with Stan pointing out notable civic buildings and sights.

Our route took us back up the same windy road behind the town, before stopping at a lookout for photos. Stan warned us about the dodgy hawkers, and he wasn't wrong. After going back down the far side of the hill, we went past the mass oil storage facility - supertankers from other countries (Venezuela, Cuba, Trinidad) drop their loads there and the oil is shipped in smaller tankers to other Caribbean islands.

Then we stopped alongside a huge banana plantation, to talk about how they grow (suckers beside older plants) and about how the industry has grown from a sugar-cane focus.

After another bit of a drive, we stopped on the hill behind Marigot Bay to talk about how the other half live and the films that were made there (most notably, Rex Harrison's Dr Dolittle).

After more of a drive, we then went down to the water's edge in Anse La Raye to look at market stalls and use the facilities. It's a fishing town with a seafood festival every Friday night, and is very down to earth. A toothless man greeted us as we got out of the van. We didn't buy anything, but were grateful for the facilities (where a woman squirted me with soap and poured water over my hands), and had a walk on the beach.

Back on the road, Stan pointed out Ti Kaye on the right, which is a diving and water activites resort, with bungalow-based accommdation, in a marine reserve and sounds amazing. (We later saw it from the water.)

Then just outside Soufriere, we stopped at a lookout to see the Pitons. Amazing. I spotted a cacao tree in the ravine below.

We drove through the town, and then up the other side to the Diamond Botanical Gardens. Stan dropped us off and saw us inside, taking the others to a historical plantation nearby called Morne Coubaril.

We were walking neatly between two large tour groups, so picked a few things up from them, but we were very happy to just potter our way along, looking at all the amazing flowers and plants. There were a lot of spice and nut trees that I'd never seen before, many poisonous. The mace and nutmeg tree was probably the most memorable.

We stopped at a cafe and got muesli bars, and Christian decided to be brave and get some plantain chips. Obsession started! They were delicious. They're made from cooked unripe bananas, and function as potato crisps.

We went on, past the pools, up to the waterfall. It was many interesting colours of minerals, and the stream flowing downhill from it was decidedly grey. We wandered back to the pools, and spotted a 'land' crab minding its own business on a step. Not something you see every day.

And then the heavens opened. We sheltered under a pergoda for a while, but then decided to keep moving. There were more interesting plants on the way out, and there was a pretty blue ceramic fountain that looked rather out of place. They had signs explaining how they compost everything and use natural methods to maintain the gardens. Very nice experience.

At the exit, we found Stan, and jumped back in the van, driving to collect the others. The car park for Morne Coubaril was bus soup.

From there, we went on to the Sulphur Springs park, going past the folks going for their mud baths. We had a tour of the very acrid-smelling active volcanic area, with many steams and boiling mud. Interesting. Our guide told us the story of Gabriel, a local tour guide who fell in the boiling mud and got horribly burnt from the waist down. That feature is now called Gabriel's Hole and no one is allowed anywhere near it.

Turns out that Soufriere sits within the ancient caldera, and the Pitons are plugs on the rim. Hence why they call it a 'drive-in volcano'.

Then back through Soufriere, retracing our steps up the coast to Castries. This road was much more winding than the east road we'd taken from the airport. As we neared Castries, we stuck to the coast road rather than going over the hill, so we could come out at the port to drop the others at their ship. It was interesting to see the port. And then turned back towards our hotel.

I'd been watching the time fearfully, but we were still able to get a buffet lunch, with about 15 mins to spare (they packed up lunch at 3pm). Hooray!

We had a lazy afternoon, playing with photos.

That evening, there was a manager's cocktail party on the roof terrace. We met lots of lovely staff members, spoke to Brandon, Danielle, Dean. Good cocktails, nice canapes, and had our photo taken (which was good technically, but not flattering).

We decided to try the a la carte dinner as we were moderately dressed up. Turns out we needed a booking, but they let us in - we missed orientation because no one told us about it. Dinner was not amazing - we decided to stick to the buffet.

Back to the room, telly, sleep.

St Lucia, Day 2: Castries

We set the alarm for 7.30, but were awake long before then. The St Lucia way of driving, which involves honking your horn every time you approach a corner of any kind, makes it difficult to stay asleep when they do it at 6.15.

We got down to breakfast quite smartly, and were very impressed at the range. There was the full range of cooked traditional breakfast, eggs to order, fruit, yoghurts, cereals, and even local delicacies like saltfish with green figs and local bake. Delicious. Only gripe is that the water they serve for tea is not hot enough to properly steep. But they did have Twinings English breakfast bags on the table, so can't complain too much.

We were in plenty of time to meet the Expedia rep, Cheryl, in the lounge at 9.20 to book excursions. She was lovely, and very knowledgeable. We ended up booking three days out - despite that giving us a fairly busy itinerary, it meant that we got to see all the parts of the island we wanted to see - and asked her a few questions about tipping and whether we'd need East Caribbean dollars. It was possible to change money in Castries, but the banks weren't always obvious.

Back in the room, I did some work I'd forgotten to do on Friday, and we basically relaxed until lunch time.

Lunch in the buffet featured loads of lovely salads and fruit, but also cooked dishes.

On the way back to the room, we asked reception whether we could change some cash there. Thankfully, they could. I persuaded Christian to make it £80 rather than £100, and that saw us through almost perfectly.

After lunch, we decided to wander down to Castries to see what there was to see, despite us not having to change cash any more, or the fact that nothing whatsoever would be open. We walked out of the gate, but got stopped. The security folks wanted to take our details (in case we didn't come back?), which was fine. We plodded down the hill, which wasn't too difficult or dangerous, into Castries, and past the market, and people inviting us into various bars. Absolutely nothing was open, but it was still interesting.

We pushed on to the north, alongside the harbour, saw a crab, and then realised it wasn't very far to walk to the beach from there. So we kept on north until we could see the beach, tantalisingly close, but actually on the far side of the airport, which we had to go a long way east to skirt around. We followed the road to the beach, which was obviously full of locals and didn't actually look that nice. We turned right along the front of a resort, and not seeing any other way back to the road, cut through the grounds of the cheesy Rendez-vous couples resort. It looked a lot more exclusive than Bel Jou. Various staff members nodded and smiled at us on the way through. And then when we got to the gate, we were hassled by their security. How rude!

The walk up the hill from that direction was much shorter than the way down, but a hell of a lot steeper. I got very hot and sweaty and tired and we collapsed back in the room.

It was high time to visit the pool and cool off. So we got our swimmers on, went to the bottom pool and found sunbeds. After a freezing shower, we got in, got out again, and found rum punches. I had my sun, and Christian had his shade. Wins.

The sun was gone behind the main building by about 4.30, so we took ourselves back to the room to shower and change.

Dinner was again preceded by a cocktail, and again at the buffet. Another amazing meal in amazing surroundings.

We watched telly again, which masked the sound of the entertainment for a while. But we still managed to get to sleep while everyone else partied on.

St Lucia, Day 1: Welcome to paradise

We drove south after work and stayed overnight inside the Gatwick terminal, at Bloc Hotel. It was basic, but very convenient, and quite cool, with tablet controls and coloured LEDs. Like a shiny version of Ibis budget.

We set our alarm for 7.30 the next morning, and were out by 8.

Dropped bags, went quickly through security (with our priority pass as a pleasant side effect of booking the lounge) and went through to the lounge.

Had a nice breakfast in the comfortable but full lounge, and a buck's fizz. Christian bought a Samsung smart watch duty free.

Went on the long walk to the gate, but had to wait for it to open, despite the signs saying the flight was boarding.

We boarded, and took our seats as a two near the back of the plane. It was a newly fitted plane and very nice. Take-off and ascent were a little shaky, but smooth enough above the clouds.

Had a drink (the world's strongest vodka and cranberry juice - I had to decant half of it into a second drink) and lunch (macaroni - quite good). Our cabin crew woman was really lovely, and funny. But the woman behind me decided that her touch screen only worked if she jabbed at it to within an inch of its life.

Watched An Affair to Remember (lovely), Ocean's Eight (silly but fun), and a bit of a random Benedict Cumberbatch drug thing, which was making me feel a bit unwell. I do want to continue watching it though, it's an eye-opener! The time was filled up quickly. They brought us a small wrap before beginning the descent.

We flew over lots of seaweed on the approach, and landed with a bit of a bump at Hewanorra. Half the occupants of the plane stayed on board to continue to Grenada, and the rest of us got off, via treadplate stairs on the back of an old, beaten-up farm ute. And then it got better. I was oblivious at this stage, but Christian had been directed to the left to fill in arrival forms (which BA failed to tell us about). We hung around for ages just to get a copy of the form, chatting to other confused travellers (an AA flight had just landed after us). We finally filled them in, and were directed to queue outside a tiny office, while hundreds of others queued in the passport line. We were very confused, but went with it. A brusque woman checked and stamped our forms and passports, and it became clear that we had effectively jumped the huge queue on the other side of the room. Win.

We went out into the chaos outside, and found the Barefoot Tours stand. The woman there was expecting us, and produced our driver, and a welcome letter and brochure. The driver took our bags while Christian visited the facilities.

We were taken to a shiny Lexus, and settled in for the journey. The driver was quiet, but friendly. He pointed out the banana trees, and even a cacao tree. The road was quite minor, and quite winding. One of the first things that struck me was the willingness of the drivers to overtake. It happened all the time.

Our driver offered to stop at a lookout overlooking Dennery Bay, and we took some photos. The journey continued, and we finally got to an intersection, and turned right. The road rose quickly and then descended through a very tight series of switchbacks into Castries. I was sure that the driver had taken us on the scenic route. We saw the cruise ships before anything else.

The 'city', as they called it, was chaotic and shabby. We drove through it, and up the hill behind, through more tight corners. I saw a small animal run across the road in front of us - it looked like a flat squirrel. The driver said it was probably a mongoose. Amazing - I knew then that this was going to be an interesting holiday. And then we were at Bel Jou.

It really was at the top of the hill, and the approach was welcoming, with loads of bouganvillea, and comfortable looking buildings.

At reception, which was open and well tended, we were invited into the lounge behind us, and provided with a cool glass of juice. A nice woman checked us in and gave us our keys. And then said 'you can go'. So we did. Our room was a bungalow (number 3), back near the front gate of the hotel - a member of staff walked our bags along with us and saw them inside.

The room was big, a bit tired, but obviously lovingly prepared for us, with bouganvillea flowers on the bed.

We unpacked into the ample storage space, and went for a wander around the hotel. It was spacious without being huge, and very welcoming and comfortable. We weren't sure what time dinner would be available, and so we got a drink, finding out that the buffet opened about 6.30. It was 6 at that point, so very good timing.

We chose a table, and helped ourselves to the delicious buffet, while brilliant wait staff saw to our drink needs. I think we had Solange looking after us on this first night. She was so lovely.

We were tired, so went back to the room soon after. And then the 'entertainment' started at 9pm. The music was on the rooftop bar level, but was loud enough to distinguish the song and the words. I think it was karaoke. Oh well. We still managed to sleep.